German post office you have been dominated with Charlinda’s Deutsch. Today shall go down in history for that. I just sent a few packages today and like a pro! I bet the guy didnt even know I was american! Because at one point when he was telling me what to do for the customs sheet. “check off gift and then fill it out in english…well as best as you can…and blah blah” I laughed though at that part. Little did he know I was laughing because clearly that would be the easiest part for me.
As Elina and I landed (not so smoothly) onto the grounds of Scotland we hear some Scotts man yell “Welcome to the UK! GOD SHAVE THE QUEEN!”.At that moment I knew we were in for a treat.
Edinburgh came and went slow yet quickly. I’m really grateful for Elina’s friend taking us in and showing us around. Edinburgh is one of those places that’s a city yet doesn’t have that big city overwhelming feeling. There is plenty to go walk around and see. I loved the bright colorful doors amongst the bricks. Also the front entrance ways to houses involved a long staircase. Looking like it makes a really good grand entrance out into the street. You can imagine a girl walking out while her boyfriend waits below.
It was really cool too cause I saw the name Gray alot in the Scottish shops. I really wanted to buy this booklet on the Grays but figured Id be back and do that later haha. We walked up Arthurs Seit a very step hill/mountain. Yes I slipped twice on the way down.
One night we went to a pub and to my delight we saw a few Scottish Men wearing the kilts. Sadly no camera so I dont have a picture to prove this to be true. We spoke to this one Scottish guy and right away I said to him “I know we are both speaking English right now but I dont have a clue what you just said to me.”. My Latvian friend said to him too “You know your English is very interesting.” he replies back in a thick accent “Not English…SCOTTISH.”. I laughed so hard because I was like really we should not call it English we should be calling it Scottish haha.
"I’m overjoyed and over loved and I’m feeling lucky."
I don’t know if its the 2 cups of cappuccino I had earlier today finally kicking in and hitting my system all at once. But I have this unbelievable positive energy running through my veins that has not been there now for quiet some time. Its tingling through me and has me super excited to be here. For one I’m actually really loving my packaging project now. Still not a fan of the teacher though. Just now I guess as I’m putting this all together and creating the concept booklet. I’m incredibly proud of it. I just finished editing my Timeless Women photos for photography and have started the concept booklet for that as well. I was always proud and in love though of the Timeless Women project though. My other personal project for Screen Printing I’m actually proud of too! Granted its not turning a 100% of how I in-visioned it. However the idea itself makes me proud of it and I know I can always keep developing it next semester. Also just the learning process of screen printing I know I can do hopefully something really great.
Anyways it seems like everything is coming together. Ive cleaned my room which is probably helping to this tingly positive feeling. I think I’m also having one of those OH MY FREAKING GOD I’M IN GERMANY RIGHT NOW moments. I’m meeting such great people that I love and care about. Even when we bump heads I’m ok with it because I know its just because we care. If we didn’t care we wouldn’t get in those situations time to time. I look at all relationships that way. When you think about all the times your parents yelled at you. They did it because they cared. However when someone would tell me that as a kid I’d laugh in their faces and go oh yeah right. I mean I never thought when they yelled they didnt love me but I never saw it from a nuturing I care for you kind of way. I’m truly happy I got to go to Germany with the people I did. They make me a better person and a person I didn’t know I could be. The worst of it all is knowing it will end and never be the same again. Although we have this small window of opportunity to be together under this love nest its all worth it. When you let love in you also let in the possibility of great pain. A pain that is just as great as falling in love. However despite all the pain you feel I don’t think at one point you ever regret it or wish it didn’t happen.
On that note I have a video to upload
side note: THANK YOU GRANDMA AND GRANDPA FOR THE PACKAGE! :-D So funny I had a dream I got this package from you and it was filled with Corn tortillas. I was so out of this moon happy cause you said you couldnt send them cause they weigh too much. So I wake up from my dream with such sadness cause I do not have a package of corn tortillas. Then an hour after me being up the door bell rings. My roommate gets it thankfully cause I was mid getting dress for school. She knocks on my door and hands me a package “its for you”. What joys are you inside you ask? Many! Also tucked away at the bottom CORN TORTILLAS! Turns out dreams do come true :-)
Sorry to bring up the religion thing again but I had a strange moment last night. I was talking to my friend Cristina about relationships and her response to me shocked me. It probably takes knowing her to realize how shocked I was. Her first time entering a church was a trip to Braunschweig in September. She isnt the biggest fan of JC on the cross. She says she doesn’t get why they put that in a church she thinks its strange way to worship someone. I guess I just assumed she just didnt believe in any of it. Well I was half right I guess she believes in God just not Jesus. So much to my surprise as we were walking and talking she stopped me. She looks at me with a big smile on her face. There was something glowing about her and eyes lit up with indescribable vision of joy (or maybe it was the way the street light hit her face). She looks at me and she goes “Charlinda don’t worry God has a plan”. It freaked me out beyond belief because I was just having a conversation in my head about my mom and “God has a ‘plan’.” just the other day. Also just the way she looked when she said it reminded me of my mom. Before I knew it I was in tears sobbing. She stood there brushing away my tears like a mother and says “Don’t worry HE does.”.
When Frieda first came back from winter break we were in the kitchen/hallway. She went to her room and came back showing me this bag.
"Look what I got! It used to be an old jacket but now its a bag which is great cause it has all these extra pockets."-Frieda
"Oh wow that is cool. Did someone make that for you?"-Me
"No I made it myself." -Frieda
"What! Frieda is there anything you can’t do?!?!" - Me
"Well… for one I can not speak Spanish and I defiantly can’t eat spicy food. haha"-Frieda
"Hahah Oh great at least there only 2 things"-Me
"No no there is more I’m sure of it." - Frieda
I’m slowly putting things into a suitcase because pretty soon Im moving to a new place. I’m slowly doing it cause I’m really going to miss Frieda and Natasha. I actually call them Mutti Frieda and Mutti Natasha (Mutti = Mama) because they have been so helpful. The first evening everyone was back the three of us made dinner together. They spoke only in German too which was kind of nice slap of reality. I really missed having them around and just hearing German in the hallway. While we were playing a game I would even try to speak back in my broken German. At one time I slipped and started saying something in English and Frieda interrupted me saying bitte? (pardon?) I laughed and then attempted it in German. Frieda is an extremely likable person and completely her own her person. She is not afraid to be herself around others and can just jump in a group of people she barely knows and make conversation. I envy that quality cause I tend to be more quiet and just observe. There are times when they have people over in the kitchen. I want to go in there and hang out sometimes I do. However I feel stupid for just sitting there listening to them just talk. I just know I’m really going to miss these two girls and I’m sad I didn’t get as close with Paola. She seems nice as well but like me she is quiet at first so its hard to break that ice. I just wonder what life will be like at this new place. Who will burst out into songs like Frieda. Who will let an echo of laughter escape from the kitchen or bedroom door. It just kind of makes me sad I have to leave my muttis.
Well back to work. The semester is slowly and painfully coming to an end. Im also about to go to Scotland for the weekend. I’m going with Elina she is going to visit her Latvian friends and we are staying with them in Edinburgh. Pretty cool.
So today as I was cleaning screens in druck (print) class. I was thinking how I really miss my mom. I mean I always miss her but sometimes its on a more deep and depressing level. I thought if she was alive she might say something like “God has a plan sweetie”. In response to things I wish I could talk to her about/getting advice. My thought following was fuck that, excuse my french.
Then a thought rolled into my head. What if my mom didn’t die. Would I have better faith? Honestly I never cared much for church before. However my mom dieing was kind of sealing the deal of my dislike for it. However if she lived would I have seen it as some gift from God? Well in reality we will never know how my faith would of turned out if that happened. Just food for thought I guess.
I mean don’t get me wrong I dont hate the guy I’m just not his number one fan. Actually I dont think I could be in the fan category. I just tolerate him as much as he tolerates me.
However thanks to the weekly boredom of going to church as a kid. I can see the letters on the wall like they were yesterday. To ease my boredom I spent countless moments tracing the exterior letters that read GOD IS LOVE.